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What to do What to do What to do. I can literally feel the churning in my belly and the painful tightness in my jaw from the constant grinding of teeth.

I gave myself one week to come to a decision about my immediate future. I am so tired of doing nothing that I almost feel desperate to do something. Anything.

I looked into the University of Redlands  program and it will cost about $30,000 to do the two year program in the M.A. in counceling. Does the program appeal to me? Yes. Why? Firstly becuase it appears that I might have a good chance at getting accepted. Secondly I could possibly get a job at a university, where I ultimatley want to work. Thirdly, I can start in May. MAY! So close yet so far.

What is stopping me from starting the program today?

$30,000. It's just too much money. If I had not got so much undergraduate loans then maybe I'd consider it. I haven't taken it entirley off the table yet, but it lingers on the edges. I just feel so torn. 

I'm tired now but I'm sure I will expand upon this journal entry in the coming days.

6 more to go.